The following article is my own dumb opinion, so feel free to agree to disagree if you’d like.
As Halloween is reaching its end and inevitable transformation into the Day of the Dead, there’s something I gotta get off my chest.
I hate Zombies.
Like, I just hate them in general. I hate the concept of Zombies.
I wouldn’t mind so much if it wasn’t everywhere all the time. Zombie media works well for Halloween.
The problem is there’s Zombie crap everywhere all year long. Every novelty store has an entire section to zombie merchandise 365 days long. Every Christmas there’s inevitably at least fifteen people drawing Zombie Santas and every Easter there’s gotta be about six Zombie Easter Bunnies.
There’s Zombie plushies and t-shirts and coffee mugs and shotglasses and more ridiculous crap like boxer shorts and ice trays. I was at the Sears about a month ago, they had a Zombie themed toolbox. Not like a toy novelty toolbox, an actual real toolbox for actual real tools.
Plus, everyone and their grandma’s dog’s mom has to do a take on the Zombie Apocalypse. You KNOW it’s gotten out of hand when Mickey Mouse and Archie Comics are playing Zombies completely straight. No kidding, there’s a Mickey Mouse short where he comes across an incredibly gruesome zombified Goofy. Goofy.
Again, though, it’s not JUST the overdose of the shambling undead that gets to me. I’ve never liked Zombies to begin with.
I’m a bit of a squeamish person when it comes to blood and gore. I can’t stand violent stuff. Zombies are basically the entire embodiment of “violent stuff”. The rotting decaying flesh is enough, but then there’s the whole ripping people to shreds and eating them alive stuff. Just… ugh, man.
But the thing I REALLY hate about Zombies is the infection thing.
One dude gets sick with a virus that turns him into a Zombie or Zombielike thing, spreads it to tons of innocent people who did not want nor ask to be turned into Zombies, it becomes an epidemic and spreads.
So obviously, instead of looking for a cure, lets just murder the fucking hell out of each and every one of them.
THAT’S the thing I hate the most about Zombies. They used to be people.
They used to be innocent people living their lives who were involuntarily, violently turned into mindless abominations through no fault of their own. This often happens after they’re brutally attacked in their own stinking homes.
So the obvious solution to this problem is to kill them for the sheer crime of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I always end up feeling bad for the people they used to be instead of rooting for the protagonists to wipe them all out.
I’ve SEEN how people obsessed with the idea of a real life Zombie Apocalypse act. They LOVE the idea of mercilessly mowing down waves of undead. They think it’d be fun! They think mass murdering a bunch of victims of circumstance would be FUN! They seriously WANT thousands of people to undergo a hideous disease that renders them into brain dead walking corpses so they can feel the joy of a Zombie killing spree.
I do my best to ignore it and I don’t judge anyone who likes Zombie stuff (unless they’re one of the people described above). But it also gets old seeing Zombie fanart of every last single freaking thing showing up on my social media feeds.
“HEY! CHECK OUT THESE INCREDIBLY DISGUSTING ZOMBIE VERSIONS OF FAMOUS VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS! IN MAY!”
“TAKE A GANDER AT THIS PICTURE OF A BELOVED DISNEY CHARACTER TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE AND TEARING ANOTHER BELOVED DISNEY CHARACTER IN HALF AND EATING THEIR ENTRAILS!”
“DID YOU LIKE PIKACHU WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER? GUESS WHAT? HE’S A FUCKING ZOMBIE TOO AND HE JUST DEVOURED ASH KETCHUM.”
“DID SOMEBODY SAY ZOMBIE SNOOPY? I THINK I HEARD SOMEBODY SAY ZOMBIE SNOOPY! IN JANUARY!”
It’s about as inescapable as an actual Zombie apocalypse! Can we do the world a favor and hold the stinking Zombie crap in until October? Is that too much to ask?
Though funny enough, my favorite monster is the Mummy, and maybe half the time those are portrayed as basically Zombies with bandages on them.
I prefer the more Vampire-esque undead Mummies. There’s more you can do with those.